So, have you accepted me as your personal savior?

An educated rant by Mr.Martin Buckley, red schtuff are parts Cristine really likes.


To start us out on our theme here, I'm gonna tell you here and now I hate God. Which makes for an interesting oxymoron in my life, as I personally really like Christianity, and I think their ideals are great. The fact still stands, however, that modern Christianity is really messed up. Mind you, a lot, if not most, Christians are great. I should know. I'm friends with a lot of them. However, these people donít make up for the problems that exist as a whole.

Christianity is claimed by some of the most undeserving people who really make the title less appealing. People who'll sin like tomorrowís Armageddon and then inform you that youíre going to hell, because you donít love their god. Frankly, these are some of the biggest laughs Iíve ever seen. These kids running around, smoking dope, being whores and indulging deeply in vanity, (Perhaps they havenít noticed, but vanity is a deadly sin.) then thinking, "well I believe in god, and I go to church sometimesÖwho cares! I'm going to heaven, so being good now won't really matter". Idiots. That's the point of the whole thing. The idea isnít to get to heaven. The point is to live your life according to god. I may not be a heavy Christian, in fact, quite the opposite, but I know that much. And I assure you they wonít be with us in heaven be there such a place.

There are two types of Christians who just donít understand. The first, the biggest and probably most incoherently wrong group, is the one mentioned above: The "We donít care, weíre still better off than you!" ones. They will tell you youíre going to hell (All too often. Believe me, it has happened.) right after coming back from smoking up and talking about their wild night of sex. (Now, not all of this group are this bad, this is an extremity.) This grouping also includes people that heavily judge others and care more about appearance and fitting in than having fun. When all you can talk about while walking through the mall is "Oh my god, I hate that shirt!" and "How can you wear that? No wonder you're not popular!" then you are judging and being vain, which is a sin no matter how you spell it. Self love in extreme. Whatever you call it, I saw it on that list, you know, 7 deadly sins? Hey, wait a minute! Aren't Christians advised to avoid those? Whoops. There went that plan to hell. Fortunately they can meet up with it later!

Which brings us to our last and most infamous kind of Christian Scum: The Pushers. Please. Itís fine to spread your religion, and if it brings happiness then I'm all for it! Its better than sacrifice, after all, to have to go to church, but when you push people around, damn them, taunt them and annoy the hell out of them because they aren't of your religion, thereís not much difference. Christians are supposed to accept everyone as they are. Mind you, I don't mean that you shouldn't try. Once you have tried, however, and they truly donít seem interested in adhering to your lifestyle you should learn to just back off. Donít stand back and let them commit suicide, but it's not going to kill you as a Christian to not bug people 'till they snap! If you don't convert someone, the bible even says that if they didn't know better they'll go to heaven anyway, so I don't see the need to make their lives hell... I mean, you can still go out and try, but at least have your reasonable boundaries. It seems a lot of Christians live with a comforting double standard. God is great, and he loves me and will keep me forever, but I don't have to do what he SAYS, I'll just SAY I did later.

If I ran Christian affairs I'd dump the whole God thing. Get straight to the point: earth IS hell. The point is to reverse that, not to get to heaven. You should try to be good to everyone, accept everyone and stop oppression, injustice and idiocy. This will get you into MY heaven, and everyone else, you stay in your damn coffin where you can't fuck things up more. I would instate the satanic bible as the NEWEST testament. Sure, it has a lot of crap about aesthetics and God and other stuff, but I'd append all that and leave what's important. Which is some of the most insightful looks on idiocy, greed, and sloth as well as numerous other things that plague our society and allow it to go to hell. The battles we fight now have honorable causes, I'm sure, but we seem to always fight the wrong things. We battle the media instead of ignorant lazy parents. (Who'll be going to hell anyway, as sloth is ALSO one of those seven major sins.)

Another thing that bothers me is the spawned up-tightness of the current Christian ethos. Picture if you will a schoolteacher type mother. The plaid dress, the hair thingy that looks awful, little drawn pictures on the fridgedaire. Only has sex in missionary position and never utters any word more controversial than hell, and only in religious context. How do these people avoid a nervous breakdown? I don't know, but I DO know that this is an over exaggerated view of what Christian morals are. Now, these people won't go to hell, because, well they haven't done anything. Literally. Of course, they may get sent there for the hell of it because of their idiocy, but I doubt it, from what I've heard of God. Life isn't about watching EVERY thing you do, it's not about wondering if Jesus would do it your way. (He wouldn't, he'd walk on water and heal your friends for Christ's sake!) Christianity is about making a positive difference, not being a negative person and generally trying to avoid those big sins and help out those around you. Now, Christians are supposed to strive to be like Jesus, and there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't get bogged down with it and stop short of everything fun just because the savior might not have done it... He'd still have fun, though I'm sure my definition of fun is a bit looser than His.

(And as for alcohol and drugs: they're dumb. Very dumb. But sometimes getting a bit smashed can be entertaining. Drugs are screwed even more, but as long as you really DO have control (.1% of current drug users) and occasional here and there is ok, in the book of PiXiE. Just remember if you're hitting acid, be in a place without a lot of sharp things, preferably someone sober around, and no windows, as you can't really fly... Same goes for drinking, make sure you have a ride, or you're walking your ass home. )

So go out and clean up! Teach a kid that television isn't real and never should be interpreted as such, keep a kid off the computer and outside having fun. Go out and enjoy a wonderful place I call Earth, help someone who needs it, and go home and have sex. (Just remember: if you aren't ready to raise a kid or fight a disease, use protection! Fuck ruining the mood, at least I would rather be a bit distracted than caught with an awful life and a kid. And use at least to forms of contraception, I mean, itís not much to make sure your condom has spermicide!)

So, really, this'll never happen. But on the other hand, Martin Luther King Jr. didn't say "I have a dream, but ah fuck it, it won't work." It's something we should strive for. To get rid of all the faux fucks, and get this place running in the right direction for once, to fight what needs to be fought, and reorganize the completely hopeless. And perhaps someday, Earth won't be quite so annoying to be stuck on.